i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
