The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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