Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
