When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
