I will die if light touches me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
