I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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