And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
