i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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