Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
