so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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