I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
