you guys were way drunker than both of me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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