You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
that may or may not have been my penis.
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