New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
