i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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