What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't put those talents on a resume
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
