Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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