Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
