That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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