I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
