I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
