put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
