My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
