Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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