Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
