Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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