Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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