Got a toothbrush?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
