Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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