Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
