it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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