Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
