angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
