you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
