Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
