this beer tastes like vomit already
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
