Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
