So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
