Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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