If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
