she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
