I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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