oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
