with your own penis?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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