we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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