just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
