I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
