She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
