Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
