Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
