really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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