i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
