Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
