im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
