I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
