He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Someone signed my nipple.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
