fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
