I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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