I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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