so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
