So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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