I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
