i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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