I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
