I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
