I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
