youre lurking in front of me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have post one night stand depression
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize