I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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