If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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