She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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