my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
