It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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