Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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