Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
