he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize